The Badgers Method of Getting Laid for the Extremely Pathetic

This is a special treat: spotlight on the Badger. If you recall the Naked Man, this is reminiscent of that scenario. The Badger, something like a super hero in his own right, and I go way back. I've seen him in action on a couple occasions, but have heard the stories more times than I can count. His swagger is none to be reckoned with. With that said, I give you:

The Badgers Method of Getting Laid for the Extremely Pathetic:

There are three main scoring methods:

1-First, the tried and true badger method. This requires extreme patience on my part (kind of like what bastard Riki Tiki Tavi has to do with the poor cobra...you know wait for a mistake). This method has a 25% success rate.

2-Method two requires letting them drink me pretty. I stay in pretty decent shape so the muffin ass wears them down after a while. They just have to get past the mug. After a good six-pack I see them weakening. I then swoop in with my "charming banter and endless supply of jokes and one-liners". This method has a 75% success rate with fat chicks and even higher with the generally hideous.

3-The last method I use is the "find a flaw" method. I look for girls with pirate hooks, cross-eyes, midgets (oh sorry...little people), and those with defects such as cleft lips and goiters. I then stare at the problem area for large amounts while conversing with them. They feel so self conscious that the badger gets some ass about 33% of the time. If these methods don't work, I resort to extreme bouts of crying to or rocking back and forth in the fetal position. This helps me land the occasional bleeding heart or PETA member.