Old News - Reminiscing a Bit

It's natural to think of the past - I'm not dwelling on it anymore, and I've moved on. I bounce back pretty quick once I get the crap out of my system, but this thought was pretty funny to me about a guy I used to "date".

When he was trying to make me believe that the "other woman" meant nothing, and I went on about how I wanted more respect and chivalry and he wasn't cutting it, He had the audacity to say...

Hold on.....

He said that people don't date like I seem to think they do, this isn't the 1950's. Dating of yesteryear is long gone. In other words his idea of dating and what he has always done was go out drinking and/or hang out at home with a bottle and end the night with some mindless drunk fucking. He had me suckered for some time and I have to laugh at my stupidity. I also laugh at his ignorance and complete disregard for being chivalrous and his disrespect for women. I imagine a lot of men think that way (shit, I've come across 99% of them) because some guys are just naturally douche bags who truly believe that's what dating is. It is hard to find the good ones.

On that note, If I choose to end a date with mindless drunk fucking, I will, but only after I've been treated properly. Cheap rum, Coke and Blockbuster aren't doing it for me anymore. Raw fish and martinis are always a good way to start.

Memorial Day Jump Off

Dating. Yes I have been, and despite my natural instinct to nest with the first man who doesn't get on my nerves and has the ability to make me laugh, I have not done so....yet (and don't plan on it...yet). Yay Me. I'm going slow this time - not letting History repeat itself.

Friday night was Cherry Martini Memorial Day Weekend Jump off night. I don't mean jump off like a booty call, I mean jump off to the Memorial Day weekend. LCG came over with the martini ingredients and some cherries. I personally prefer maraschino cherries in my martinis, but he came over with some big ass seeded cherries to slam dunk, I mean slide, into the martinis. It was the thought that counts, I laughed my ass off. A for effort. I guess he doesn't drink cherry martinis often. Probably a good thing - he might be unknowingly ridiculed like pineapple cup was. I quickly forgot about the big ass seeded cherries though when he pulled out the roses - it was sweet and Fuck, I'm not used to this.

It was fun. Too bad Esq couldn't join in on the festivities. We polished off the cherry vodka and pomegranate schnapps (I didn't know that flavor existed!) and when we were done I sang a couple Metallica Songs on the XBOX because I RAWK.

Another Date Anotha Dolla

Last night I hung out with Dr. Noah again...

Prior to last night, i.e. yesterday afternoon - we had lunch. I like this guy. At lunch he showed up in his collared shirt, slacks, fresh hair cut and glasses. It was way cute!!!!!!. I kinda wanted to jump his bones in the restaurant, but I showed incredible restraint. yay me.

On a side note, I'm going to start calling him LCG, because that's the nickname that my friends and I have for him - inside thing we have about "Larry the Cable Guy". He looks and acts nothing like Larry the Cable Guy though. Much like E40 looks and acts nothing like E40. He reminds me more of Josh Hopkins A.K.A. Dr. Noah from Private Practice, I'm sure Esq will beg to differ, I shall await her response.
Anyhow....back to last night.....

I made dinner, and LCG brought over some scary movies. We ate dinner, drank a couple cervesas, watched movies and then played a couple rounds of guitar hero. My kinda man. Took me to lunch, laughed with me, drank some beers with me, watched movies with me, ate my food and didn't complain (I keed, I can cook), and played video games with me.

Indecisive Ass

I don't think I've ever met anyone more indecisive than me when it comes to men. One day they can be the bees knees and the next minute, I'm over it. I don't know why that happens because I'm all about routine and consistency. I eat a Mexican hot pocket every day without a second thought, but certain men, I analyze and over think and it's just...ugh.

Yes, I get annoyed easily. There are actually a few questions that I ask myself to determine whether there is any long term potential:

• Does the fucker get on my nerves?
• Does he drink out of a pineapple cup?
• Does he have more than 300 myspace friends?

If it quacks like a date

I don't like to admit that the things I go on with people of the opposite sex are actually dates, but I suppose the reality is that they are, in fact, dates. Whatever.

Meeting #3: Dr. Noah - Awesome.

I've been deprived

I've come to the realization that I've been seriously taken for granted when it comes to men. It's really sad. After the dumbass that thought I would sit around and take his shit forever, I went out a few times with a really nice guy (so what if he drank out of a pineapple cup). My standards have been really low for some years now (OK my whole life). I've been trying to go out with men that actually give a damn and it's kind of working a bit. My friends look at me sideways when I get excited about being treated the way I should be treated. Oh well, it's new and exciting - and I'm easy to please.

It's SPRING BREAK BITCHES.....

Another Friday - another non-committal drink meet up. Why not? IT'S SPRING BREAK BITCHES, and I'm a free woman for the next 7ish days.

Roger Browns, quickly becoming a favorite "meet me for a drink" spot. Being that this was the 2nd time in my life that I had ever been here for Happy Hour, I was flabbergasted when the bartender knew what I wanted to drink. Damn, I only had 3 or 7 drinks last time, and he wasn't even the one who served me - what's up with that? Of course Esq. found it extremely amusing that the whole damn bar knew what I was drinking.

So we chit chat about who I'm supposed to be meeting. We're sitting at the bar, I, of course, have my back to the door. Esq. stares intently at the front of the establishment checking out every man that walks in. "Is that him?". "Oh that one looks like Turtle from Entourage" , then she laughs as he walks by. My reply? "Oh, I hope that's not him". In walks the king himself. ELVIS. Only because he's from Memphis and has a country boy accent. It's cute though and he's a really nice guy.

The next day: McFadden's and Dreamy Dr. Noah. I decided to ask Dr. Noah if he had some time to meet me for a drink. We were supposed to meet up during the week, but I had issues with my car and wasn't able to drive anywhere outside of a 5 mile radius of my home. He agrees. 30 minutes later, I'm in McFadden's sitting at the bar. 2 drinks later, this cute little Irish guy starts chatting it up with me. "Can I buy you a drink lady?"........to which I reply "But of course". 1/2 way into my free drink and conversation with my own personal leprechaun, Dr. Noah shows up. YUMMY. I do feel bad that I completely turn my back on Mr. Ireland and divert all of my attention to Dr. Noah. I had no choice though, I was there to meet him, right? Super YUM. He says he'd like to take me out for sushi sometime very soon. I'm staring at my phone Dr. Noah. CALL ALREADY.

Blind Dates...

I tend to shy away from utilizing the word date or any semblance of the word date when it comes to meeting someone new in a bar/Happy Hour situation because, well, I don't go expecting the guy to pick up my tab. What if he's a snap dragon and I have to casually slip out through the kitchen? For all intents and purposes, it is not a date.

I digress....

Blind Meeting #1 - E40 (not sure how exactly that came about, but I'll roll with it) and I were actually supposed to meet a couple weeks ago. It should have gone like this: I get off work, E40 gets off work, we go to our homes, freshen up, meet up at the bar, drink and be merry until 5:15.....Hmmmm, didn't quite happen as anticipated. I suppose E40 decided that due to the strenuous work day, he needed to take a power nap at 2:30 in the afternoon knowing that we would be meeting up in about an hour. It wasn't set to be a long meeting either, just a couple drinks. I had other obligations for the evening. Needless to say, the 5.5 minute power nap turned into a Rip Van Winkle sleep-a-thon. He called that night and for the rest of the weekend, I duly ignored his calls. Can you blame me?

Blind Meeting #1 (part duex) - The next Friday, let's try again. Why not. He did a good job being persistently apologetic about his Rip Van Winkle-ism. Same plan, same place, same time. After a few drinks, and quite a few laughs, turns out that E40 is not so bad after all.

Speed Dating: Part Deux (potentially)

There's another speed dating event coming up in April. Now, I'm a skeptic about these types of things, yet vaguely optimistic. 25 - 4 minute-ish dates in about 2 hours. Somewhat different than the last 8 - 5 minute dates, and this time it's FREE!

I'm only going to go if BK goes with me though. I refuse to do it alone.

Regardless, I am going to prepare some questions.

"How much money do you make?"

I keed.

If a man really wants you (i.e. ME)

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. I shouldn't have to fight for attention, or knowingly compete with another woman. In my opinion, it should be a personal decision that the man makes IF he wants me. Some men claim they have no time etc etc etc. Well, truth be told - If its the right person, time will ALWAYS be made. Yeah yeah, I'm guilty of it too, the "I just don't have any time" blow off. Claiming I'm oh SO busy. Truth be told, I'm probably just washing my hair, cutting my toenails, watching reruns of The Office, i.e. not that busy, however if you were the "the one I want to make the time for man" I'd throw my hair up in a bun, clip my dawgs another day and make time. That's just how it works. There is ALWAYS TIME, nothing short of death will keep him away - and well even then, sometimes death won't, but then we'd be talking about zombies and that's an entirely different conversation.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Really, no amount of duct tape, Elmer's glue, homemade Filipino rice glue, rope, fuzzy handcuffs, Crisco grease, or earmuffs will make a man stay if he doesn't want to. If he does stick around when his heart isn't in it, then he's bangin random chicks on the side or has another girlfriend or maybe even a wife. Pay attention to the signs. If he still wants to leave after Crisco and fuzzy earmuffs, let him go.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. So he had a one night stand when he was out with his buddies one night. "Well he was really drunk and he's never done this before and he swore he didn't do anything to her he doesn't do to me. He promised that he didn't get her number and that he used a condom"....DUMMY he claims he was SOOOOO drunk, how does he know what really happened. Riiiiiiiiiight, he knew EXACTLY what he was doing, and it's probably not the first time!!! Make an excuse this time, I can personally guarantee that it will happen again and/or it has happened before. Matter of fact, if I ever win the lottery (my numbers are coming up Tuesday, I can FEEL it!) I'll put 50k on it. I'm THAT sure.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. This is a hard one, because as a woman, while making excuses about all the effed up behavior, the intuition is being ignored. What a conundrum. That gut feeling is there, but the excuses are making it all better and disguising that gut feeling as hunger pangs. Yeah yeah, so we're so distraught over the effed up behavior and being hurt, that eating is forgotten, obviously that intuitive gut feeling that he's no good is hunger. Go grab a hot pocket and call it a day. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
The signs are always there, as previously stated. I personally am not going to compromise myself for someone else's mistakes. The ship has sailed and I'm heading in the opposite direction. Don't expect me to act like the world famous Ringling Brothers and put on the greatest show on earth to make you remember what you had. You chose to forget it, so keep it moving. I never went out of my way before, it will not commence now.

Slower is better. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand HALT. Rushing into it doesn't benefit anything. If the mofo is worth anything he'll be there in 3 months just like he'll be in 11 months. Slower is definitely better. That's why I'm a birgin. (That typo is there for a reason)

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve....then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Never ever think that a man can be changed. That mofo has to want to change himself FOR himself not for anyone else.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man. Oh Lord!? If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. This is the most important lesson of all. Man, I don't know what women think (self included - been there done that and not proud of it because yes it bit me in the arse). I am not that special and I really thought I was. I'm sure the next chick thinks she is special too. I hope she is, but realistically speaking.....history repeats itself, and that IS a fact.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. Oh so true! Ladies that have men that cheat, verbally abuse you, lie, maybe even get physical.....it is allowed. I've learned that love is not enough. I can have all the love in the world for a person, but with the knowledge that he will never treat me right - I will not continue to clean his doo doo stains and cook his peanut butter and jelly. Oh no!

All men are NOT dogs. This remains to be seen for me. I'm definitely optimistic, and I'm sure there is one man out there who is honest, committed, intelligent, and successful AND insanely funny/witty.....*GASP* that sounds like so much to ask for. Yeah 99% of the good ones are taken, which narrows the pickins, but referring back to the never borrow someone’s man....it's a vicious cycle that makes way too much sense.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. The infamous relationship jumping, in the next one before the last one is over. Where does that leave anyone? It probably ends with a whole lot of heartache.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone SMILE, another RETHINK her choices and another woman PREPARE.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them. Yes indeed, I’ll forever be scarred by the P.O.S. that screwed me over claiming that I was his best friend and that he loved me. What an eye opening experience…..it will definitely take me a lifetime to forget.

I ain't got no crabs (bad place for a first date)

Joe's Crab Shack, Great place to eat, Horrible choice for a first date - unless of course you just want some bomb ass coconut shrimp and don't give a damn about the conversation. So, This is how it goes:

Conversation -> conversation -> order -> sip on drinks (to loosen up) -> LOUD ASS Rose Royce "At the car wash" and all the emotionless, zombie-like servers on the floor between the tables dancing like synchronized swimmers and/or fish out of water (I mean it IS a seafood restaurant) -> OK they're done -> resume conversation -> eat -> drink

DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!

LOUD ASS Cupid "Cupid Shuffle" -> commence with all the emotionless, zombie-like servers on the floor between the tables, dancing once again like synchronized swimmers and/or again like fish out of water (yes as I mentioned before it IS a seafood restaurant) doing the cupid shuffle -> OK they're done again.

In their defense - there was ONE server who looked like she enjoyed dancing in between the tables and actually looked excited and showed some sort of emotion. She had rhythm. Remember the Steve Martin movie when he finds his rhythm? OK never mind.

Bottom line....don't go on a first date to Joe's Crab Shack unless...
#1 - You are in an established relationship and you don't give a damn whether you talk.
#2 - You don't give a damn about your date and you're only in it for some grub and cocktails!

Dating....Oh Noes...pt 2

Through all of the excitement, disappointment, despair, fun, obsessive compulsiveness of the past weeks, I failed to continue the "Dating....Oh Noes" blog.

As with everything else, this can be good or bad. Maybe bad, but I can find the good and even humor in it so that being said.....It was GREAT for 30 days (refer to the 30 day curse). THEN, it switched...but for a bit I was getting the opening the car door and closing it after he made sure I was in, dropping me off at the front of the establishment and then parking so I wouldn't have to walk in heels. Standing in the rain for movie tickets. So perfect, I've never been treated like that. That's what I was attracted to the most. The thoughtfulness took me by surprise every time. (So if you ever read this Mr. Sweet Dance Moves, yes that is what made you stand out for me)

Then the calls/texts steadily slowed and there was no more "hey what are you doing this weekend"......then came the "I'm not ready to give 100% to a relationship right now". Say what? Let me translate that, because I do fortunately speak many languages "readbetweenthelines" being one of them.

That REALLY meant "I would give 100% if I felt that you were the one I wanted a relationship with". Truth is, everyone will make time for the person they WANT to make time for. Not sure that I necessarily want the label of a relationship at this time, maybe I'm just looking for someone to go through the motions with me and make me feel wanted (figuring that one out). I'm just one to always go with the flow and if it feels right, go with it. What sucks is when I'm the only one going with the flow and feeling right. DOH! It takes two to tango, right?

My problem, as pointed out by my friend, is that I meet one person and become enthralled with them and what they have to offer. I become blinded thinking that they are IT and no other man can offer me what he can. Well I need to slow my roll and take a step back and do some comparison shopping......obviously, or I wouldn't be sitting here writing about any of this.The good part of this story is yet to be determined, but I do hope that I have gained a friend if the jerk face (and I mean that in the nicest way) will open up and actually LET me be a friend. He is HILARIOUS and a good guy and has awesome bow hunting skills.I've been back to the drawing board. Taking chances, living dangerously, you know life on the edge. I'm a risk taker, I eat raw fish.

Do you think you're sexy?

On line dating is quirky. Hell, I'm quirky. I believe we're all quirky. You may not admit it, but I'm sure you do some weird shit when nobody is looking. Yes, I do some weird shit when nobody is looking, I even do some weird shit when **EVERYONE** is looking. I am me, quirks and all, take it or leave it. Funny I say that because I am having absolutely NO problem finding people willing to pass me up, I just need to find some sweet, honest, intelligent, FUNNY man willing to stick around.

Anyhow......

Online dating and its quirks:
Pictures - I touched on this before, some guys/men/boys apparently think it's sexy to put up pictures of them sticking their tongues out or have pictures of them sucking on a lollipop. Alrighty then Lil' Wayne - "no homo". COMEDY! Another one is the infamous chest shot where I can't see your face. Well honestly, I don't give a damn what your chest looks like before I meet you. We won't be out in public nekkid and if you are, then, I don't think we should be meeting in the first place. I don't do Applebee's or Sushi topless. Sushi with no shoes - bare ankles, fine, topless - negatory! This last one is somewhat iffy, I mean it could very well be a relative, but my thought is, Dude - you're on a DATING site, don't put up a picture of you and another woman, unless she's CLEARLY your mother. I mean, that just leaves too many doors open. Do you feel like it makes you more desirable to be pictured with another woman? What if I ask who it is - will you think that I'm a jealous psychopath from the get go. Yeah, too much too soon. Leave the pictures of you and other women on your myspace.

myspace in itself -> the spawn of the devil....killer of all relationships....

Dating......Oh Noes.

Wellllllllll - here it is......

I have decided to thrust myself full force into the realm of dating. I anticipate a great adventure, or maybe not so great adventures that are entertainingly ridiculously knee-slappingly mind-boggleingly hilarious. We shall see.

First things first, because of my life - I don't have the advantage of attending a large number of social events. When I am in a social situation, its usually a bar or club and well, we all know that is NOT the prime spot to meet a quality man. So, what is the answer you ask? The internet :)......

It's tough weeding through the potentials. I've found that. just like in a real life situation, the virtual dating scene has it's "types" too. I also find that I can feel connected to someone from their picture alone. All bullshit aside, attraction IS the first step, and if I don't think you're cute in your picture then there is NO hope for anything further.

The types:
1. The one that puts up pictures on dating site hugged up with other women.
2. The one that blows kisses at the camera and/or is sucking on a lollipop.
3. The one that has 5 pictures of himself with his shirt off flexing for the camera.
4. The one that puts up an OLD picture and knows its old and comments that its the "most recent one he has".
5. The one that has a pre written script for every woman within a 150 mile radius of him. (Hey one of the women has to respond, right?)

So after a few weeks of muddling through the perpetual on line dating mess. I see one that sparks my interest. Yes, his pictures do have potential. We exchange flirtatious messages, joking, conversating, scratching the surface of getting to know one another. Yes, I think I'd like to meet this one.Now, I am a paranoid person by nature so even though I've thrown myself into the realm of online dating, actually getting myself out there to physically MEET someone is an entirely different beast. I sense some potential and need to do this for myself especially after the horrible few months I've just had and crap that I've recently been subject to.

So we go out......more to come....