Fun with Telemarketers: Part Deux

Again a telemarketer calls me - I love when they call and I have some drink in me:

Esq has documented the events from her P.O.V.

Me: Helluh?
Esq: silence. takes a sip of wine, looks at the TV, chews some lumpia YUM! another sip of wine.
Me: WHAT ABOUT MY CELL PHONE?! WOULD I GET A NEW CELL PHONE?!
Esq: Looking confused like ish! *blink*
*I turn on the speakerphone*
Telemarketer: Our program could maybe cover the cost of your cell phone, but it really is for covering credit cards that get lost or stolen.
Me: What about my cell phone though. It's in my purse and it's expensive!
Telemarketer: Umm okay okay, let me check here. YES! It'll cover your cell phone.
Me: Could I get a black one. My cellphone now is black.
Telemarketer: Sure, I guess you could get any color you wanted.
Me: What about my purse. It's Coach and it's expensive like $400 would you cover that too?Telemarketer: I don't see why not. Um, okay so let me see... YES! That is covered too. This is a free program for you to try for 30 days.
Me: FREE! I get a new cell phone and Coach purse for FREE?! (free said in a shrill scream)Telemarketer: Yes it's free!
Me: And what color would my replacement Coach bag be?
Telemarketer: Whatever you like.

Fun with Telemarketers

Recording: "This is your final chance to renew the factory warranty on your car....BLAH BLAH BLAH......press 1 to remove yourself BLAH etc....press 2 to speak with a representative who can assist you with your factory warranty"

I'm thinking - How in thee hell do these people know that my factory warranty is about to expire when I just got this phone number and secondly - my car is going on 3 years old and these calls just started....NEGATIVE LOWLIFE TELEMARKETING COMPANY

I press 2

Telemarketing chick: Would you like to extend or reinstate the warranty on your vehicle?
Me: IS THIS SOME KIND OF SICK JOKE????!!!!!! MY LICENSE IS SUSPENDED AND I DON'T HAVE A CAR!!!!!!!!!
Telemarketing chick: *click*