Miami is Nice, so I'll say it.....THRICE

Miami, Miami, Miiiiaaaaaaammmmmmmiiiiiii

A Guilty Pleasure of mine is the Golden Girls, YES, the Golden Girls. I love Rose. She reminds me of myself. Telling stories that make no sense. Rambling on about things that nobody understands. Talking about people and friends back home that may or may not exist.

I digress, this isn't about Rose...

Esq sent me a text this morning when she heard that "Dorothy", Bea Arthur, passed away this weekend. She will surely be missed, but on the same token, I think it's safe to say that she lived a good long life. We can look forward to a wonderful Golden Girls marathon so I have to make sure to check my listings and DVR them joints.

8 Things

(borrowed from one of the blogs I just found to stalk - it's great, Delightfully Inappropriate - Like me)

8 Things I'm Looking Forward To:

1. Enjoying the summer
2. Riding my motorcycle more
3. Never working again, i.e. via retirement or winning copius amounts of money
4. Travelling around the world (dependent on the copius amounts of money)
5. Friday night Happy Hour at Roger Brown's
6. Visiting my brother and fam again.....I miss them and my baby nephew's are turning into men too fast. Yeah ok, they're about to graduate from high school.
7. Getting my spare bedroom painted and furnished.
8. Going to sleep early tonight - I can't get in bed before 1am for the life of me.

8 Things I Did Yesterday:

1. Played Guitar Hero
2. Brushed my teef
3. Watched TV (refer to list of 8 shows that I watch)
4. Worked
5. Surfed craigslist missed connections
6. Shopped
7. Text messaged Dr. Noah
8. Made plans with Dr. Noah

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:

1. Win the lottery
2. Fly
3. Sing
4. Make calorie free fried chicken, matter of fact, I wish I could make calorie free food PERIOD. DAMN, I'd be rich. Fuck a Xenadrine pill.
5. Work on my own car - I can't tell you how many times I've been screwed over by auto shops.
6. Repair shit around my house. I suck at being a handy man.
7. Keep plants alive.
8. Run 3 miles in 11 minutes.

8 Shows I Watch:

1. The Office
2. Lost
3. Heroes
4. Samantha Who
5. Nip/Tuck
6. True Blood
7. How I met your Mother
8. Iron Chef

The "Q"

I was supposed to get together with E40 and do something anyway and since he was bragging on his cooking skills, I figured I would round up the girls and have a cook out. I also figured it was a good way to get people over to play guitar hero with me. E40 got a couple of his friends and BK and Esq came over.

The plan was for E40 to come with supplies in hand.....you know meatz, beerz, and such. He showed up with his 2 boys: Thuggish Ruggish and Ralph Tresvant oh and some beerz. Cool - no problem, we all sat around and BS'd for a bit, got in a game of Wii bowling - I kicked ass by the way.

Time to fire up the grill...

E40 and Tresvant head to the store to get the supplies. BK, Esq and Thuggish start playing a drinking game "Never have I ever". You know the one where you make a statement and if you've done it you take a drink......Very Interesting.....It went something like this:

Never have I ever carved initials into someones back
BK takes a drink, Thuggish Ruggish *blank stare* then *blink*. I think he was taken aback by that revelation as it was completely contradictory to her innocent demeanor.
Never have I ever been to jail
BK and Thuggish take drinks

Thuggish, out of beer, goes to grab another. Of course we're wondering what he was locked up for.....

Never have I ever committed armed robbery
BINGO BANGO BONGO.......Thuggish drinks and says "That was cute"

The game continues and at some point, something is said that is so asinine (no pun intended) that I am the only one that Never have I ever. I end laughing so hard that I spew red wine out my nostrils and all over my forehead and shades. It was really cute, no really it was.

One of the major underlying events that we cannot overlook is the blatant violation of the "girl rule", not by the girls, but by the oblivious "how fast can I get in some pants" Tresvant and Thuggish. I don't know about other females, but you can't cross flirt with us - It's rather insulting to flirt with my girl and when she turns you down, move on to me. I mean damn, if I wasn't your first choice, kiss my ass. Now, being that they came with E40 saved them. That and the fact that they were pretty entertaining and from what we could tell, good people, besides being typical men -> "fast", we just brushed it off and carried on with the spades, guitar hero and beerz.

Good times.

The original Road Dawg

Is it REALLY true that once you move past a relationship - i.e. it fails, that it will never work again? Why revisit? It FAILED! I do tend to agree, but the optimist and hopeless romantic in me tends to disagree, contrary to every logical bone in my body.

The other night, I went out for a few drinks...I walk into the establishment and being my normal random self, I point towards the bar as I cruise right by the hostess. In my head, my pointing and non-stop walking was supposed to let her know that "Hey woman, no need to say anything, I'm about to go sit my ass down at the bar and order a drink, no need to ask me how many in my party - smoking or non?” I do that a lot; I have these elaborate thoughts in my head and fail to speak them. I should probably work on that:

*Note to self - have voice in head speak up more often - Step #1 for more effective communication.

As I’m pointing, I notice that I'm pointing right at this guy sitting on the other side of the bar by himself. In addition to my pointing motion, being my normal random self, I also have this big cheesy smile on my face. This guy obviously thinks I'm smiling and pointing at him. It took a lot to contain my laughter. He was pretty cute. And I’m sure he thought I was a goof.....

Digress.

Anyway, point is, I ran into an old friend, we were tight back in the day, like years of tightness. He has changed in a very good way, I’m impressed. Unfortunate that he's married now. Not for him of course, definitely for me. Very funny how things happen, how life happens. People don’t wait, life doesn’t wait. Live.

Blast from the Past

Mr. Aphrodisiac.....yes he is the amazing female libido stimulant. Able to enhance orgasms and heighten arousal simply by his presence, women line up to date him. They try to claw each others eyeballs out so they can say they were the last one to lay eyes on him. But wait......

He is SINGLE!

Oh yes, single and on the prowl. The universe's gift to women is indeed single.

I met Mr. Aphrodisiac about 4 years ago. We went to the movies, hung out a couple times. Unbeknownst to me, he was in some sort of pseudo-relationship with a girl who I didn't know at the time but I would soon meet.

It gets better....

We stop talking for whatever reason, I'd like to think I saw through his silly games (yes I'll stick with that story). A few weeks later, at a mutual friends house, I meet BK, Esquire and Puppylove. I don't remember how Mr. Aphrodisiac came into the conversation but we all determined that we had gone out with him (well Esquire didn't - she didn't fall prey to the orgasm enhancing pheromones, plus her BFF at the time Puppylove was MADLY in love with him). Major laughs at the expense of Puppylove, but hey - in our defense she only knew him for like 4 weeks and she was MADLY in love?

It gets even better.....

2 weekends ago started out as any other normal weekend. Girls night out. Guess who is at the bar? None other than Mr. Aphrodisiac in the flesh 4 years later.

Him: I know this sounds really corny, but I think I know you from somewhere?
Me: Um, maybe, you look kind of familiar
Conversation goes on, I determine that I DO in fact know Mr. Aphrodisiac and he's not some desperate loser using a corny pick up line at the bar on me – blah blah blah compliments blah blah blah – trying to get in my pants I suppose. We do end up talking for a bit, catching up. I give him shit about the game he ran on Puppylove. Not that I particularly care about him, I'm just somewhat bitter about the games men play in general (refer to opening blogs regarding relationSHITS).

So we exchange numbers - hey what’s the harm, an old friend, right? I personally don't want Mr. Aphrodisiac present day. Not my cup of tea. Apparently, that wasn’t the general consensus because the next day, I receive a picture message, I open it and to my surprise and its Mr. Aphrodisiac in ALL of his studly, nekkid, erect, gut-wrenching glory.

Was I turned on? - No. Was that supposed to make me want him? - I assume that was the intent? Was it supposed to make me stop dead in my tracks and drive straight over to Mr. Aphrodisiacs house and drop my panties before he had a chance to undo the dead bolt? In a perfect world with the right man - hmmmmmmmm NOT. I don't see that happening. "Mr. Right/Rite/Wright/Write" would never have to send me pictures of his stuff in an attempt to seal the deal. This wasn't necessarily a case of false advertising, simply advertising too much. If I gave a damn - there would be NO need for advertising - which ties into my statement about Mr. Right not having to do anything extra to seal the deal.

The picture message had me thinking though - maybe this is another area where men and women differ? I personally proof all pictures before they leave my possession. Not saying I send out nudie pics because I most certainly do not *send them out to people that I've known for less than 2 years*. A man will just snap and go, it's crazy! I don't think the sending nudie pictures etiquette is common knowledge?..........Fast forward to the NEXT weekend, I happen to run into Mr. Aphrodisiac at the bar AGAIN. Let's say I don't think I'll be hearing from him again any time soon.