Speed Dating: Part Deux (potentially)

There's another speed dating event coming up in April. Now, I'm a skeptic about these types of things, yet vaguely optimistic. 25 - 4 minute-ish dates in about 2 hours. Somewhat different than the last 8 - 5 minute dates, and this time it's FREE!

I'm only going to go if BK goes with me though. I refuse to do it alone.

Regardless, I am going to prepare some questions.

"How much money do you make?"

I keed.

Missed Connections - The Social Experiment

Back in November when my obsession with craigslist was beginning, I decided that I wanted to see if the missed connection crap really worked or if all the bullshit was just that...bullshit. Do people really read and respond? Point is, every where I went I had my eye out for someone that I could conjure up a missed connection post for and in turn hope that he was a missed connection reader like me.

One day I went to lunch with Mr. Right (who actually turned into Mr. Flaky) , a couple police men came in to eat. I couldn't help but notice one of them, He was just.....ummmm hot. The whole time Mr. Right is talking to me I'm plotting my missed connection post. Short and sweet:

A few nights later, I get an email "I think I'm the person you're looking for"

HOLY SHIT, It works!

Turns out his friend is a reader and told him about the post.

We chatted it up, IMs, text messages. I made it a point to ask if he had a wife or a girlfriend (not trying to be #2). He said he was single and has maintained that he is single and just casually dating but for the past 5 months I have yet to see or hear from this man outside of his working hours.

Exercise in woman's intuition - Trust it.

Someone that knows him has let me know Mr. Serve and Protect is in fact married.

Missed Connections - Success
Honest Man - Fail

The Italian Stallion

This stood out to me because he describes himself as being blessed and cursed "at da same tyme". He's obviously bragging on his goods, but I'm DYING to know how he will respond sooooo, I have to "jus ask" him:

"sometime's its a blessing, sometime's its a curse".

*aside* - "sometimes" has an apostrophe "s" in it?

Bottom line, to the Italian Stallion, being well endowed boils down to this -> "sometime is it is a blessing and sometime is it is a curse"

Cell Phone outgoing Voice Mail Messages

For many people the cell phone is the only form of communication as we've opted to decline land lines to save money. It's legitimate - I mean why the hell not, long distance is included, we can text, email, browse the interwebz...so on and so forth. I call cell phones almost every day, sometimes I get an answer, other times I get the voice mail.

"Sorry I can't come to the phone right now" or "I'm not home at the moment"

Fucker, you know damn well the phone is on your person and you can't come to the phone? IT'S IN YOUR POCKET!!!

And you're not home at the moment? Well for the most part that's probably a true statement, I'm calling your MOBILE PHONE!!!

Bang Bang in my Dryer

Normally I put a load of clothes in the dryer before I turn in for the night so I have a clean pair of underwear in the morning to slide over my butt cheeks after I shower and because the dryer is on the way to my bedroom. Well, the other day, I go through the motions, get upstairs, get settled and notice:

BANG....BANG....BANG.....BANG.....

WTF? I didn't wash any sneakers. I sit for a few minutes thinking its jeans that got bunched up, because I did wash those, and a few more spins will un-bunch them and the BANG BANG will stop. No such luck.

Investigation time. It's midnight thirty, and I'm removing wet clothing, one piece at a time from the dryer to determine the culprit. Hmmmm, it's not the clothes genius, I say to myself. I do some research because I'm kinda nerdy like that. Apparently something is wrong with the drum or band causing the BANG BANG.

Long story short, I schedule an appointment with Sears for a dryer service call to fix my BANG BANG. They give me a window of 8am to 5pm. I guess they expect me to sit home all day and wait for Mr. Maytag to come rolling up with his wrench to stop the BANG BANG. It's not like I have to go to work or anything to earn money to pay for the repairs.

EDIT: It wasn't the drum or band. The repairman came out and I paid 60 dollars for the service call. He explained that the 60 included investigating what the problem was. If I should choose to have repairs once the problem was identified it could be up to 120 (possibly more).....and no I don't have the equipment coverage (this all would have been covered if I did have the coverage plan). Turns out a penny got lodged in the drum area causing the obnoxious noise. It came loose when repairman was trying to identify the problem, thus correcting the issue. Needless to say, my washer/dryer is going on 2 years old now. I opted for the coverage plan so if the shit does poop out on me, I don't have to pay for service calls - It's covered! Especially considering the age of the set and what I learned from the research I did, well the band might snap. They can come out and fix it for me and I don't have to worry about cost, its covered.

Thought O' the Day

The right thing to do is usually the hardest.

To twit or not to twit....

Because I twitter, does that make me a twit? Well, I web log, so by default, that makes me a blogger. I my-space -> that makes me a my-spacer? If I have nuts on my chin....

Wrong direction......

Back to twitting -> So I was asked today if I was a twitter, yes I twit. Why do I twit? I have no fucking clue. It's such a pointless thing to do. The other day I was driving across the MMBT and it was a GORGEOUS day, I mean crystal blue water, sun was shining....just the perfect day. I thought to myself "I want to twitter this"....I have no idea who would care, because I sure as hell don't give a damn about anyone else's twits, but I still do it for NO damn reason. Yes indeed. It's such a self indulgent *LOOK AT ME*, ridiculous thing to do...........

I am a twit.

More from Craigslist

Which one of these photos is not like the other......



Change outfit and background (that screams creativity) add random body part to mix it up (proves diversity) and VOILA!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry Ladies...

Mr. Aphrodisiac has informed me *via text* that he is leaving the country. Duty calls - he must go to Japan. Unfortunately, I didn't get a going away nudie picture to entice me to his doorstep to say goodbye.

*sigh*

Fair Winds and Following Seas Mr. Aphrodisiac

Fun with Telemarketers: Part Deux

Again a telemarketer calls me - I love when they call and I have some drink in me:

Esq has documented the events from her P.O.V.

Me: Helluh?
Esq: silence. takes a sip of wine, looks at the TV, chews some lumpia YUM! another sip of wine.
Me: WHAT ABOUT MY CELL PHONE?! WOULD I GET A NEW CELL PHONE?!
Esq: Looking confused like ish! *blink*
*I turn on the speakerphone*
Telemarketer: Our program could maybe cover the cost of your cell phone, but it really is for covering credit cards that get lost or stolen.
Me: What about my cell phone though. It's in my purse and it's expensive!
Telemarketer: Umm okay okay, let me check here. YES! It'll cover your cell phone.
Me: Could I get a black one. My cellphone now is black.
Telemarketer: Sure, I guess you could get any color you wanted.
Me: What about my purse. It's Coach and it's expensive like $400 would you cover that too?Telemarketer: I don't see why not. Um, okay so let me see... YES! That is covered too. This is a free program for you to try for 30 days.
Me: FREE! I get a new cell phone and Coach purse for FREE?! (free said in a shrill scream)Telemarketer: Yes it's free!
Me: And what color would my replacement Coach bag be?
Telemarketer: Whatever you like.

Lost in High Definition

Why did I not realize sooner that LOST is in HD. Shame on me. This has to be one of the best shows on TV. They're really killing it this season. Heroes was pulling out in front for a bit, but they're falling back for me this season with the exception of Syler and Mohinder Suresh.

I digress...

Last week was THE single best episode this season thus far, and I'll go as far as to say it was the best for me collectively between this season and last season, just wow. Sawyer and Julliette, definitely like them together.

Ok - I shall now end this pointless blog entry and go back to watching...

A Bad Room?

BK.....I sure hope you have a Bad Room

courtesy of engrish.com

Missed Connection - Hot Dogs

I read this and had to Laugh out Loud........

Beeeeznatch how do you know he's not talking to his MOM!!!!?????

PSA - Narcissistic Personality (Disorder)

A Narcissistic Personality is defined as an inflated sense of importance and a deep need for admiration. (i.e. always needs to feel loved) They believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, and vulnerability to the slightest criticism.

Symptoms include:

• Believing that you're better than others
• Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
• Exaggerating your achievements or talents
• Expecting constant praise and admiration
• Believing that you're special
• Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
• Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
• Taking advantage of others
• Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
• Being jealous of others
• Believing that others are jealous of you
• Trouble keeping healthy relationships
• Setting unrealistic goals
• Being easily hurt and rejected
• Having a fragile self-esteem
• Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

The criteria is as follows - to qualify (5) five or more of the following should be met:

• Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance
• Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power or beauty
• Believing that you are special and can associate only with equally special people
• Requiring constant admiration
• Having a sense of entitlement
• Taking advantage of others
• Inability to recognize needs and feelings of others
• Being envious of others
• Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner

Isproph

The following is a true story:

On my way out one night, I made a pit stop at 7-11 to buy a pack of gum and get some money. Well, outside are a couple guys....kinda cute, in a "call me when I'm down and out and drunk off a whole bottle of rum" sorta way, I suppose. Well, I go in, take care of what I need to do, walk out and proceed to get in my car. One of the guys stops me, initiates some small talk, asks for the number, and tells me that he and his boy travel a lot because they are...

wait for it...

"Musicians"

I wonder where their car is as they walk off into the moonlight...*blank stare*

Well, I indiscriminately gave him my number. Yeah yeah, I've gotten the "be more discriminate lecture" already...

I get to my girls house, we go out and have a great time. I completely forget that I've given Milli- Vanilla, The traveling twosome my phone number, and so goes the text message conversation:

Incoming text: wuts up ma

me: not much, who's this?
Incoming text: Isproph

Now mind you, being that I speak and text, for the most part, in proper engrish, I assume that this person is trying to say "It's Proph"

me: who?
Incoming text: Isproph
me: what's your name?
Incoming text: Isproph
me: what?
Incoming text: my bad ma, I think I got the wrong #
me: where do I know you from?
Incoming text: This is David from 7-11 but call me Isproph
me: oh

and another *blank stare*

What is an Isproph?

Fun with Telemarketers

Recording: "This is your final chance to renew the factory warranty on your car....BLAH BLAH BLAH......press 1 to remove yourself BLAH etc....press 2 to speak with a representative who can assist you with your factory warranty"

I'm thinking - How in thee hell do these people know that my factory warranty is about to expire when I just got this phone number and secondly - my car is going on 3 years old and these calls just started....NEGATIVE LOWLIFE TELEMARKETING COMPANY

I press 2

Telemarketing chick: Would you like to extend or reinstate the warranty on your vehicle?
Me: IS THIS SOME KIND OF SICK JOKE????!!!!!! MY LICENSE IS SUSPENDED AND I DON'T HAVE A CAR!!!!!!!!!
Telemarketing chick: *click*

Thought O' the Day

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. I'm sure we all have one person that makes us throw up a little in our mouths, the one that would repulse our friends if we ever admitted to touching them with a ten foot pole. Oh, you don't?....*coughIdon'teithercough* I keed I keed.....but hypothetically speaking, IF I did, now would be the point where I made the conscious decision to stop regretting it.

I digress.....

Love the people who treat you right, and forget about the ones that don't and/or LET THEM THE FUCK GO!!. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands - if it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just said it would be worth it.

Writing Personals: Part Deux

Another friend, another personals ad - Take TWO

Me:
Highly charged outspoken live wire, Say what I think and mean what I say. Relentless at board games: Do not pass GO, Do not collect $200 -> I'll send you directly to JAIL. Reality and daytime TV junkie, hoes need to close those legs! Social Butterfly like Mariah. Intelligent conversation and red wine (NO screw tops) = your best friend until the end of the bottle.

You:

Hard working and non materialistic. Name brands? Don't care - spend your money on your future (and/or me and red wine). Supportive, honest and caring. Perfect if you love cinna-stix, shrimp and plastic tumblers.

Writing Personals: Part Uno

A while back I was unofficially tasked to write up a catchy little ad for my friend. I never got around to it because it's hard enough to write something beguiling and grammatically correct for myself, then you add the additional pressure of doing it for someone else and I ended up drawing a complete blank. Anyhow, I will now take a couple stabs at completing the ad so BK can line up some non-committal lunch dates.

"Fun Sized Personals" - Take ONE...

Me:

Latina, a Brooklyn transplant.. Colombian - don't be afraid of my Colombian-ness, it's my natural heat. I laugh sometimes so hard that my eyes water. Tattoos strategically located so I can maintain a professional image during the work week. Child free for now - I have a dog. Last but not least - I'm not short, I'm fun sized!
You:
Funny, Sarcastic and Witty. Make me laugh so hard that I cry. Intelligent, goal oriented and honest. Clean with Good Hygiene - germs are secured! Extra points for tastefully done tattoos and/or being able to recite Slick Rick & Doug E Fresh.

What man could pass up a fun-sized, tatted up, Colombian chick?!