Off Topic - Why aren't words pronounced the way they look?

A few years back I was in Hooters with some co-workers. We were seated at one of the nice glossy wooden tables. Unfortunately it lacked silverware - this will be important in just a moment - wait for it. So, we order, chit chat, and the food comes. Hey, no silverware! One of my counterparts kindly asks the b00bs, I mean Hooters chick for a kuh-ni-fee. I looked at him in PURE amusement and asked in my typical manner:

"What the fukk?"

He then broke down his explanation of all the words we have that are pronounced incorrectly. He was taught to enunciate therefore he would do so and dammit he would carry on that English language tradition if it was the last thing he did.

So our comparison conversation began (at this point I don't recall if the Hooters chick had ANY idea what a kuh-ni-fee was - yes I'm being blatantly stereotypical, I'm sure she was working her way through law school, and I'm just being outrageously jealous of her perfect bosom and white leg warmers).....

Digression.

Knife -> kun-ni-fee -> n-eye-fuh
Phlegm -> puh-leh-gum -> flem
Perignon (as in Dom) -> pear-ig-non -> pay-reen-yohng (yeah its French, but still)