An Excercise in Self Absorption

The following is one of those, I suppose you would call it a "get to know you" type thing from Facebook. I was perusing a number of blogs earlier today and one of them had posted their "25 things" so I thought, why the h-e-double hockey sticks not? It's my blog and I shall do as I please <3

1. I love to play games: Scrabble, Scattergories, Cranium, Taboo (even though I suck at this one). Game night with friends and drinks is a must every so often.
2. I was born and raised in San Diego, Chula Vista to be exact, 8 miles from the Mexico border....and Tijuana "the most visited city in Mexico". Nobody can believe that I don't want to go back to SD. I'm happy here in Va and I like it. Va Beach is essentially SD on the East Coast with seasons....and it's too damn expensive out there in Cali!
3. When I find something I like - be it jeans, shoes, body spray - I buy at least 2, just in case I ruin one or use one up, I have a back up.
4. I'm WAY too nice and I wear my heart on my sleeve. Leaves a lot of room for me to be taken advantage of, and yes it has happened MANY times. Will I ever learn?
5. I'm a sucker for reality television. How the hell do those women kiss Flava? Just WOW. They are so ridiculous, yet I get sucked in every time.
6. I can't tell a story or a joke to save my life. It sounds wonderful and funny in my head, but the verbal diarrhea is a complete mess. I end up laughing at myself through the whole thing and nothing makes sense anyway.
7. I was in the Navy for 8 years. 6 years active, 2 reserve. Nuclear Power w00t! - Electronics w00t! again.
8. I don't like change. Change causes anxiety. I don't avoid it and it usually ends up for the best, but I'm all about routine....what can I say - I'm a Taurus. I can say, though, that's why I gravitate towards people who are spontaneous, I need/like that in my life.
9. I have no idea how to change a tire, well maybe its one of those things where its intimidating to me and I'm afraid that I won't apply enough torque and the tire will come flying off on the interstate.
10. I have organizational OCD. Everything has to be at a particular angle and/or symmetrical or I have to adjust it immediately. The exception is the small mountain of clean laundry I can never seem to get rid of.
11. I love hot sauce and put it on everything. I also like to "borrow" fire sauce from Taco Bell. I usually have a collection in the fridge.
12. I can normally find humor in everything. If something requires compassion, I promise not to make a funny and to be compassionate, but if you trip over your left foot and scrape up your face...chances are, I'm laughing.
13. I'm super geeky. Movies on opening night is one of my favorite things to do, especially if they open at IMAX. Harry Potter, Transformers, 300, Beowulf.....
14. Most everything I know is self taught. If I don't know it, I will look it up. Google is my friend. I can NOT stand ignorance.
15. Some of the best times of my life were during my time in the Navy - Med Cruise '99. What happens on deployment stays on deployment. HA, seriously nothing unspeakable happened, just a lot of partying and inebriation in foreign countries. Good times.
16. I got my motorcycle license this past August. I have a GSX-R 600 and want to ride SO bad. However, I'm afraid to and my battery is dead. I haven't had it out on the streets yet. I'm an official "parking lot pimp"
17. I'm shy and I think that can be misinterpreted as stuck up. I don't talk a lot, my theory is that the less you say, the more intelligent people think you are ;-)
18. I hate window shopping. When I go to the mall, I go knowing exactly what store I'm going to go to and what I want to buy. Don't get me wrong, I DO love to shop and love to buy things....who doesn't?... but walking around a mall with no purpose.....erm, has no purpose.
19. I have a horrible memory. Well selective memory, I forget names and birthdays but will remember your face....and dammit that annoying new song on the radio, yeah I know all the words to it.
20. I like dogs but have random dog allergies. Sometimes they make me sneeze, sometimes they don't. I want a dog, but I want an already trained dog, and it'll be a crap shoot on the allergic reaction.
21. I love to travel, and I will go to Italy even if I have to go solo. I'll take a nice romantic gondola ride in Venice with myself, and maybe do a little ditty like Madonna did in her Like a Virgin video.
22. I'm not a religious person despite the fact that my mother made me go to church with her every Sunday growing up while my brother was allowed to stay home and "clean his room".....yes I remember that shit brother.
23. After I got out of the Navy I was a field technician for Cox Communications. Yes, I used to haul that big ass ladder around, climb up utility poles with a hard hat, crawl under houses, and fumble around in attics. I loved the job but at the time they didn't pay enough for me to support my son and I.
24. I have one child and he is enough. I've been saying that if I meet someone with kids, I will happily accept them, in fact, I love single fathers....but my uterus housing another embryo will take a whole lot of convincing......MAJOR convincing.
25. I just wasted my Sunday morning doing this

The Date that didn't Happen

This might be a result of PMS, maybe I over-reacted, maybe I expected too much...bottom line is when I get annoyed, I get annoyed and have to remove myself from a situation or one step further, not enter into the situation all together, because I can act like a complete "B", for those that are wondering what that is - that would be a BITCH.

So the plan was to go out to dinner with this guy I met, we shall call him Mr. Fish. I had to arrange for a babysitter and all that good stuff. BK offered up and said she would keep the little dude...Making sure my son is taken care of so I can go out and get a free dinner - CHECK

Well this wasn't stating out good for a few reasons. I agreed to go out, and although I'm more aggressive than not, I really want, like and prefer a man that can make a fucking decision.

Mr. Fish: So where do you want to go?
Me: It doesn't really matter but I'm all about trying new and different things and my sitter is over by the mall.
Mr. Fish: Well I've been craving sushi and there's a place over by where you live I want to go to.
Me: Ok, sushi is good - but there should be some places over by the mall too. (HINT HINT and reiterating the fact that my sitter is in the opposite direction of my house and even further than said sushi restaurant by my house)

See exhibit A:

Is that a difficult concept to understand? I know men can't read minds but FUCK - are you serious? It's not really a mind reading issue, and yes I could have easily made a command decision, but that would defeat the whole purpose. I mean its common fucking sense and maybe even a tad bit of compassion for my situation knowing that I have to drive all the way across town, not once, but TWICE to drop off and pick up my child. Needless to say, he decides on this Sushi place 20 miles away from my house knowing that I have to drop my son off in the opposite direction (refer to exhibit A). That's one round trip to drop off and then come back to my house to wait for him, and then go out and then be done and then another round trip to go pick up my son. NICE WORK SLIM .

OK whatever; I was really going to suck it up because, well, he decided on a place at least. I’m open minded, roll with it, but the final straw

….wait for it......

An hour before we're supposed to go, I get this "So where do you want to go?".

Wut?!!?? Wasn’t this established and reservations made YESTERDAY.

Not a good look.

Down the toilet went my Martini Wishes and Spicy Tuna Dreams

Drive by

I had a drive by experience today. They happen every so often, normally I'm oblivious and don't pay attention to drivers in cars around me - unless of course I see someone picking their nose, but I'm very much like my mother: Eyes forward, elbows bent slightly, and hands at 10 and 2 on the wheel. She never deviated from that, it caused high stress and anxiety. BUT, I remember one time in band camp.....

I kid, I kid.....

Seriously, one time, I had to be in 5th grade, I was riding with my dad...Well we happened to see my mother on the road. First, imagine my 5'2" mother driving a large brown station wagon, she may have even been sitting on books, eyes forward, elbows barely bent, hands at 10 and 2. She didn't even bother to scan her surroundings. Well, my Dad decides to say "Hi" to her, you know get her attention. He speeds up next to her, honks his horn and begins to wave like a mad man....guess what, mother doesn't flinch - eyes remain forward, elbows slightly bent and hands at 10 and 2.

How can you not notice a car speeding up to catch up to you, then honk, and proceed to wave like a freaking crazy person?

I digress.....

So, I'm an aggressive driver, I hate when people pull out in front of me and DRIVE SLOW. I hate when people drive side by side on a 2 lane road at the SAME SPEED!!!! Pass on the left, cruise on the right, Is that so difficult to understand? DAYUM! I just hate when people dilly dally on the road in general. I have places to go, don't hinder my progress. Anyway, today as I was aggressively driving around a dumb ass van that pulled out in front of me and proceeded to dilly dally at approximately 20mph in a 35mph zone, I aggressively pulled around the idiot and got in front of the dummy and went about my merry way *all in a very safe manner*. It just so happened that my actions caught the attention of a gentleman driver in an adjacent car. He looks at me like I'm crazy so in an effort to divert his attention from my *very safe* aggressive driving, I flash my pearly whites. I must have charmed his socks off because he drove beside me for a few minutes. We stopped at a light and he boldly went where no man on the road has ever gone before (well not in 2009) - he asked me for my number.

I quickly run through my check list, which, being the genius that I am, made up on the fly.....

• Cute - CHECK
• Nice car - CHECK

Qualifications met....I rolled down my passenger window and YELLED my number over to him. Thank GOODNESS I no longer have the Jetta with the non-automatic windows. How would that look if I had to lean over to roll the window down.

Mr. Drive By has the number.......

...to be continued

Neglecting Gixxie

I've been completely neglecting my baby.....well for a couple reasons:

1. She's out of juice right now
2. I don't have the proper gear

So to make this negative a positive (another goal for 2009 - make negatives positives, yay me) I am going to do what I do best and shop, yes purchase some riding gear:

Completely girly and SO cute. I think it's kind of Pink Power Ranger-ish (and yes that was my goal w00t!).

Patience is a Virtue

I admit I am impatient......However my impatience comes in spurts. In one situation I can sit and wait patiently and in another, maybe even similar situation - just a different day, I will literally pluck strands of hair and gouge my eyeballs out with a rusty spoon - simultaneously. It's a toss up.

I had my yearly "female check up", yeah the wonderful OB-GYN. After sitting for a good 30 minutes in the waiting area, I finally get called back. The nurse does her routine...

"First day of your last menstrual cycle?"

Fucking SHIT - why do I ALWAYS draw a blank when these people ask me to remember this crap. You know its a good doctors office if they have a HUGE calendar in the triage area.

"On any medications?"

Ok you get the point....

I’m ushered into the room with the dreaded stirrups....nice. I think to myself "I hope I remembered to wear my nice green and white striped socks today"

"Get undressed; put this on, opening to the back and have a seat, Doc will be with you in just a moment"

10 minutes - no doc......

20 minutes - no doc..........

30 minutes - sitting buck ass nekkid with my socks on and a paper gown - no doc ......

I get up and walk across the room to the chair that I've piled my clothing on and start to get dressed because I'm tired of waiting, I'm about to leave. As I do this the Doc opens the door to tell me "I will be RIGHT in". Of course I'm startled so I RUN back to the table and throw my clothes across the room onto the chair. I hear the Doc outside the door asking the nurse.....

"Why are there clothes flying across this exam room?"

American Idol

Despite my utter annoyance with blogs that are about TV shows, or celebrity obsessions, or where people just type out words to songs (yeah so I've done at least one of these and am about to do another, I tend to do things that deeply annoy me, but when I do them - I obviously don't find it annoying *such is life*). I am about to sit here and ramble on about American Idol's first 12 performers......but only because my favorite performed with the group:

American Idol Season 8 - Danny Gokey

*his singing gives me chills*

Anyhow, before him it was Elliot Yamin....He was definitely my pick to win during his run. I loved him to deaf

Digress....

Other notables that I like and will be following:

• Anoop Desai - "I love him forever!"
• Ricky Braddy - he's a cutie and sang well too, I just always think that balads are so boring for American Idol, and that's what he chose.
• Alexis Grace - She was awesome, that little white girl has SOUL. I love her forever too.
• Tatiana del Toro - not my pick to go all the way, but I love her for her quirkiness and she did good. "Everrryone is cooozins in Pwerrrrto Rrrrrico"

Again...Danny Gokey....."Take that ISH"

It will be interesting to see who the judges will bring back to compete for the final 3 spots.

Viva La.......Italy?

I've decided that despite the many times I've claimed that I will do some traveling and see new places, that I WILL actually travel.

So this year will be Italy..... Venice and Rome. I actually spent some time in Italy during my little stint in the military but it's all a blur now.

Italy Here I come......

VD

Happy VD! - I think if someone said that to me, just like that, in abbreviated form, the following would run through my head:

VD = Venereal Disease? - "Ah, yes the scabies are greatly appreciated. I love you too baby"
VD = Victory Day? - "We are the Victors!, you lose! Thank you"
VD = Vapor Density? - "YES! 1/2 molar mass, it took me forever to figure that out. Thank You SO much!"
VD = Volume of Distribution? - "yes you did it, It was achieved with that last dose of Viagra! YOU are awesome!"

Ooooooooh, today is the 14th, I get it.....

ValentiMes Day....Yes Happy VD.

Why can't you use correct grammar Shawty?

I've noticed this trend on the interwebz, well OK, Craigslist specifically......WHAT? SO FUCKING WHAT? I read Craigslist like a dog licks his balls - every chance he gets. Anyway, I read these things and wonder WHY people don't spell check their shit. Is there something I'm missing? Did Microsoft come out with the "text slang save time grammar and spell check" with the new windows service pack? So anyway, I'm perusing the postings and apparently this guy goes to the mall with his "lil brutha" and decided that he wanted a hat or that he at least wanted to browse the selection. He goes to the "hatstore". He looks at the hats. He decides to buy one. I would venture to say that he picked up a few different colors while he was browsing, maybe a blue one, then a red one. He sees a girl in the store that catches his eye, he's way too shy to say anything and his "lil brutha" is rushing him out of the "hatstore".


This girl really made an impression on him, and as with all craigslist missed connection posters, they all begin with some variation of "This is a long shot" "You'll probably never see this".....I LOVE This one because he says....

"u probly neva c dis post...."

That is classic and I would be all over a man that reached out to me on craigslist with a message like that. That is the greatest first impression that could be made on a woman. I am so turned on by the exhibition of grammatical prowess. Oh how I wish that missed connection was for me.

Speed Dating 101

It's one of my well known facts, and probably statistically proven - although I'd have to look that up and I don't feel like wasting any additional energy on Google-ing right now, that you know within the first 5 minutes of meeting someone whether you want to pursue something. Well, some genius decided to capitalize on this idea and develop "speed dating". What a novel idea!

8 men and 8 women on 8 - 5 minute mini dates. The object is to ask questions to get to know this other person:

"Do you have any Grey Poupon"

"What would you do for a klondike bar?"

"Do you repeat yourself often?"

"Do you repeat yourself often?"

"Can I have your baby?"

"Will you be my sugar daddy?"

CLASSIC.

BUILDER/explorer

No not like Bob the Builder and Dora the Explorer......SWIPER NO SWIPE.....
Personality types. Major and minor. After watching a 20/20 special I went looking for the little personality test to gauge its accuracy.

Turns out I am a BUILDER/explorer. In other words 27% Builder - major personality type and 25% Explorer - minor personality type. The other 2 are the negotiator and director. Obviously they are in the mix somewhere but not quite as dominant as the Builder/explorer mix.

Here's the breakdown on the Builder/explorer:

Popular, trustworthy and dependable. Stable, loyal and caring with a wonderful knack for common sense.
A guardian. Relationships with friends, kin and colleagues are important, so time and energy is spent developing and defending these social networks. A good executive and manager. Sensible and factual, a hard worker. Likes schedules. Detail oriented. Tends to respect traditions. Brings strength and stability to social and business environments. Admires people who are spontaneous. Enjoys new and different ideas and experiences, as long as they are not dangerous. Respectability and appropriateness are important. Capable of deep, solid friendships.

Pretty interesting. According to the science of compatibility, my worst match is the Director. Probably all these fools I've been hanging out with thus far.

Things NOT to do.....

Lesson #1:

Never leave your email logged on in a public location - I went to Circuit City, normally, I care about everyone, and wouldn't do such a terrible thing to someone I don't even know, but I was inspired. Some MOH-ron left their email logged in on one of the display laptops so I took it upon myself to read his emails and go through his contacts. Nothing really interesting in his in-box besides a bunch of spam from pr0n sites "Beautiful Latinas" and "Sexy chocolate Sistas"....yeah he deserves some shit. Anyhow, I decide to compose an email........

"I am so sorry that I never told you that I have herpes, please get yourself checked out"

SEND-------> and done, success.



Lesson #2:

Never double fist German white Riesling and Bacardi - It doesn't end up well. It ends quite bad actually. Did I sing the song? It's a mystery.

"She's happy, she's jolly, she's fucked up on Bacardi - so DRINK mother fucker DRINK mother fucker DRINK".....yeah that song.

Everyone puked, fortunately not at the same time.




Lesson #3:

Never do a guitar hero battle on xbox live with hyper guitar set to 5 playing L'Via L'Viaquez on medium difficulty AFTER double fisting German white Riesling and Bacardi - Fortunately or not so fortunate, I attempted the battle BEFORE praying to the porcelain God. I lost miserably, I think the other person dropped out. Bad for me. I WILL beat this damn song.