False Advertising and tales of Grandeur

It is so funny to me when I read a profile and its all about how much someone has and how they are the BEST person you will EVER meet in your entire life. Hmmmm, if they are the BEST person in the world, why are they single and on a dating site? Why hasn't anyone snatched them up already? I just think if you have to go on about yourself THAT damn much, you really aren't that freakin great.

My personal philosophy: Don't talk about it, BE about it.

Just be yourself and the truth will be revealed in due time. Don't get me wrong, it's not bad in ALL cases, but when someone is excessive with the self love talk. Spare me.

REVELATION!

I think this is why my dating and relationship history SUCKS. I can't stand men who talk about themselves, brag about what they have, how well they've always treated their women and spoil them......so I settle for the ones that are the complete opposite of that. The caveat is that they DON'T treat me well and spoil me. Hey - I guess that would make sense. Where is the happy medium?

By George I think I've got it!

The fact remains though - If they've treated their women so well and always spoiled them....where did these women go and why the freak am I on the other end of the conversation hearing this garbage?!

OK so my action items:

• Find and date a man that can't shut up about how much money he has/makes and how many "toys" he has.
• Find and date a man that can't shut up about how well he treats his woman, you know, massages, shopping, cooking, bubble baths.
• Find and date a man that talks about both of the above ALL THE TIME and never shuts up.

There was one that had potential. Bobby Big Ears, remember Bobby Big Ears Esquire? He couldn't shut up about how much money he made last year. 200k+ to be exact. Oh and he swore he was going to take me to the Dooney store and tighten up my purse collection. Not once did he ask a DAMN thing about me, my life, where I worked, what I liked to do.......Hmmmmm, where is Bobby Big Ears? Maybe he deserves some time?

My Craigslist obsession continues

I am obsessed, completely obsessed with Craigslist "Missed Connections". I check every day multiple times searching for that someone who didn't have the balls to approach me in person. I read it with nervous anticipation, at the edge of my seat even. It's quite amusing. When one of the posts comes remotely close to something that could relate to me, my palms sweat, and my heart rate increases.

This can't be normal!

So, today I took it upon myself to call out for my own missed connection.

I've gotten some lovely responses. "You're awesome" "That was great" "You've missed your calling".

Yeah I chuckled LOUDLY as I was writing it, and for the record I really DON'T pick my nose while I'm driving.

Dating....Oh Noes...pt 2

Through all of the excitement, disappointment, despair, fun, obsessive compulsiveness of the past weeks, I failed to continue the "Dating....Oh Noes" blog.

As with everything else, this can be good or bad. Maybe bad, but I can find the good and even humor in it so that being said.....It was GREAT for 30 days (refer to the 30 day curse). THEN, it switched...but for a bit I was getting the opening the car door and closing it after he made sure I was in, dropping me off at the front of the establishment and then parking so I wouldn't have to walk in heels. Standing in the rain for movie tickets. So perfect, I've never been treated like that. That's what I was attracted to the most. The thoughtfulness took me by surprise every time. (So if you ever read this Mr. Sweet Dance Moves, yes that is what made you stand out for me)

Then the calls/texts steadily slowed and there was no more "hey what are you doing this weekend"......then came the "I'm not ready to give 100% to a relationship right now". Say what? Let me translate that, because I do fortunately speak many languages "readbetweenthelines" being one of them.

That REALLY meant "I would give 100% if I felt that you were the one I wanted a relationship with". Truth is, everyone will make time for the person they WANT to make time for. Not sure that I necessarily want the label of a relationship at this time, maybe I'm just looking for someone to go through the motions with me and make me feel wanted (figuring that one out). I'm just one to always go with the flow and if it feels right, go with it. What sucks is when I'm the only one going with the flow and feeling right. DOH! It takes two to tango, right?

My problem, as pointed out by my friend, is that I meet one person and become enthralled with them and what they have to offer. I become blinded thinking that they are IT and no other man can offer me what he can. Well I need to slow my roll and take a step back and do some comparison shopping......obviously, or I wouldn't be sitting here writing about any of this.The good part of this story is yet to be determined, but I do hope that I have gained a friend if the jerk face (and I mean that in the nicest way) will open up and actually LET me be a friend. He is HILARIOUS and a good guy and has awesome bow hunting skills.I've been back to the drawing board. Taking chances, living dangerously, you know life on the edge. I'm a risk taker, I eat raw fish.

The force is strong with you young Skywalker

Title matters not ... Look at my writing. Judge me by content, do you?

UGH - why am I such a dork.

Once again, I digress. I digress alot, its a natural chain of digression.

Why is it an inherent law of the universe that the one I like never likes me back and the one I like that happens to like me back ends up being Mr. not so right.

Mr. Right, Mr. Wright, Mr. Rite, Mr. Left.

The guilty pleasure of ALL guilty pleasures CRAIGSLIST personals....

Maybe not the be all end all of ALL guilty pleasures, but currently at the top of my list. It certainly ranks up there for its entertainment value. I mean, how can you not be sucked in based on the thousands of desperate and needy men, women, gays, bisexuals, transsexuals, married people, divorced people, people throwing out their hotel room for a late night tryst and oh just the average joe selling his old computer desk. It's complete insanity all in a nice little bundle called Craigslist.

Last night, I felt very poetic, and inspired. I blogged, I thought out loud, I MySpaced, I thought "hey, I should post an ad on Craigslist" - and so I did.

I've gotten some great responses, well some off the wall, some very clever and witty. I do enjoy that. I clearly ask for a picture first because I really would rather not initiate banter with someone without knowing what they look like and that being said, I'd like to know that they aren't a troll with missing teeth and a cock eye. OK, call me stuck up, I just think that in the on line dating/meeting game, my intent is to find someone that I can pursue a relationship or something (whatever this is) with. So, sorry for not being physically attracted to cock eyes and missing teeth. Sue me. OK really don't sue me, because I have this awesome friend who is pre-law and can argue her ass off and will always be right no matter how you slice it.

I promise I don't have a cock eye or missing teeth. Well, I can cock my eye in certain situations, some of which include my good friend Mr. Ardi....first name Bac.

Do you think you're sexy?

On line dating is quirky. Hell, I'm quirky. I believe we're all quirky. You may not admit it, but I'm sure you do some weird shit when nobody is looking. Yes, I do some weird shit when nobody is looking, I even do some weird shit when **EVERYONE** is looking. I am me, quirks and all, take it or leave it. Funny I say that because I am having absolutely NO problem finding people willing to pass me up, I just need to find some sweet, honest, intelligent, FUNNY man willing to stick around.

Anyhow......

Online dating and its quirks:
Pictures - I touched on this before, some guys/men/boys apparently think it's sexy to put up pictures of them sticking their tongues out or have pictures of them sucking on a lollipop. Alrighty then Lil' Wayne - "no homo". COMEDY! Another one is the infamous chest shot where I can't see your face. Well honestly, I don't give a damn what your chest looks like before I meet you. We won't be out in public nekkid and if you are, then, I don't think we should be meeting in the first place. I don't do Applebee's or Sushi topless. Sushi with no shoes - bare ankles, fine, topless - negatory! This last one is somewhat iffy, I mean it could very well be a relative, but my thought is, Dude - you're on a DATING site, don't put up a picture of you and another woman, unless she's CLEARLY your mother. I mean, that just leaves too many doors open. Do you feel like it makes you more desirable to be pictured with another woman? What if I ask who it is - will you think that I'm a jealous psychopath from the get go. Yeah, too much too soon. Leave the pictures of you and other women on your myspace.

myspace in itself -> the spawn of the devil....killer of all relationships....

30 Day Curse

So I've determined that I'm cursed to never move successfully past 30 days with someone that I like. I'm officially cursed. I don't know who cursed me, when I was cursed or why I was cursed - but it's true!

Ok maybe I'm creating my own destiny by becoming WAY too attached WAY too soon. Ok I know what you're thinking - I know this is a turn off to be clingy and needy, but I'd like to think that I'm one of the special ones that doesn't come across as clingy or needy (we're all special, right? :). I keep my neediness to myself. Maybe I just seep clingy and needy from my pores.

Time for a facial, and full body wrap.....

Ok, so I need a new approach. My friend says that I need to take things slow. Don't become so focused on the FIRST person I like. Thats hard for me to do, I think I'm a relationship-a-holic. I eat, walk, work and sleep relationships. I want someone to be by my side, to share my life with, to call when I have a funny. UGH, is that so wrong? I mean being that my last one was SHATTERED, I'm in rebound mode 100%.

I know someone is out there for me. WHERE ARE YOU?

Dating......Oh Noes.

Wellllllllll - here it is......

I have decided to thrust myself full force into the realm of dating. I anticipate a great adventure, or maybe not so great adventures that are entertainingly ridiculously knee-slappingly mind-boggleingly hilarious. We shall see.

First things first, because of my life - I don't have the advantage of attending a large number of social events. When I am in a social situation, its usually a bar or club and well, we all know that is NOT the prime spot to meet a quality man. So, what is the answer you ask? The internet :)......

It's tough weeding through the potentials. I've found that. just like in a real life situation, the virtual dating scene has it's "types" too. I also find that I can feel connected to someone from their picture alone. All bullshit aside, attraction IS the first step, and if I don't think you're cute in your picture then there is NO hope for anything further.

The types:
1. The one that puts up pictures on dating site hugged up with other women.
2. The one that blows kisses at the camera and/or is sucking on a lollipop.
3. The one that has 5 pictures of himself with his shirt off flexing for the camera.
4. The one that puts up an OLD picture and knows its old and comments that its the "most recent one he has".
5. The one that has a pre written script for every woman within a 150 mile radius of him. (Hey one of the women has to respond, right?)

So after a few weeks of muddling through the perpetual on line dating mess. I see one that sparks my interest. Yes, his pictures do have potential. We exchange flirtatious messages, joking, conversating, scratching the surface of getting to know one another. Yes, I think I'd like to meet this one.Now, I am a paranoid person by nature so even though I've thrown myself into the realm of online dating, actually getting myself out there to physically MEET someone is an entirely different beast. I sense some potential and need to do this for myself especially after the horrible few months I've just had and crap that I've recently been subject to.

So we go out......more to come....

You can love me until you're blue in the face.....

It's just not enough.

I thought I could justify the betrayal and disrespect based upon love alone, but no matter how I try to paint the picture, all the colors blend together and make this big blob of black crap.

You can't love me with all your heart and spend your nights in another woman's bed, kissing her and stroking her hair.
You can't love me and spend your days cuddling on the couch watching movies with another woman like you and I used to do.
You don't love me when you let the words "I love you" come out of your mouth and they aren't directed at me.

Bottom line, you can't claim to love me and want to spend the rest of your life with me and expect me to believe your empty words when all you do and have done is been inconsiderate and disrespectful.

I have never been so hurt and betrayed.

I would be a self respect lacking fool to ever accept you back into my life after what you've done.